I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
