I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
