next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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