Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
