Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
