Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
