well I can't set my house on fire every night
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
