it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
