is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
