I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
