Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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