It's Friday. Sex?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
