just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
