So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
worst night to have a conscience
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
