umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
