are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
