I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
