True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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