sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize