I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
