when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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