So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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