I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
