That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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