We're facebook friends in real life
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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