Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love having hate sex.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
