do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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