your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize