I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
