Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
