last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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