somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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