when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize