Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
cat food counts as protein by the way
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
