my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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