I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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