Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
