can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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