Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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