Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
