i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
