the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
