Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
