I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
