Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
