On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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