google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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