Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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