when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
