Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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