made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
