have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
