He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
