just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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