I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
