it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize