I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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