You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
