This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
