thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
