Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
being pregnant is like rehab
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
