his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
