Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
