wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
