I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
