I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize