I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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